Trusting God
On Good Friday of 2014, Matt and I told Zach and Amy that we would be moving to Austin with them “next summer,” convinced that we were following God’s lead, but with no tangible path in sight. I can hardly believe that “next summer” is this moment, and it’s slowly beginning to wind down; the fall calendar months are upon us and a new season in our lives is on the horizon. For the last year, I could never imagine what this moment would feel like. Would I be happy or sad? Would I feel lonely in the quiet days at home? Would I be afraid or courageous in my new relationships? Would I be anxious or would I breathe deeply and slowly in rest? Would I like this city? Would I really love it? The worst — what if I didn’t?
For months I reeled over these questions in every spare thought I had. At the end of each day as I walked to my car, the workday fog would lift, I would open the door, sit down, buckle-up, and face the only alone time I had. For forty-five minutes heartache overtook me, and I cried and grieved for what I would leave behind:
People.
So many wonderful, beautiful people that have shaped who I am and who really know me. It’s easy to be deeply rooted when you have mostly always lived in the same place, and no matter how ready you are for a change of scenery or whatever is next, relationships are always hard to leave. I know that I don’t and won’t have to stop being friends with my friends, but I know that the season is changing and we will never return to it. God asks us to follow Him wherever He leads, and that means walking forward into what He has in store. Luckily for us, it is “better than anything we can ask for or imagine,” and we look back only to remember His faithfulness.
Each day as those questions meet my mind, I look back over that long year leading up to now, and I remember God’s faithfulness in everything. I am sad, but I have so much joy in God’s pursuit of His people in Austin, and that I get to be a part of it. I have been lonely and I have been fearful, but God’s grace makes my heart courageous and bold, and I have already met so many wonderful people. I do get anxious about the details of my life that still are so unclear, but my rest comes in writing His truth on my heart — the truth that He knows my every worry and my every step after this, and He is faithful. My emotions subside, and all I know is His peace.
For the last six weeks, I’ve looked around me and taken note:
People. Everywhere. This city likes to complain that there are too many, but no. I love it. More people that Jesus loves that I get to love, too.
And Austin, the verdict is in: I love you and I can’t wait to meet you. I can’t wait to see your face, know your story, give you a hug, laugh with you, cry with you, stay out late with you, wake up early with you, sit with you, pray with you, celebrate you and live seasons with you.
I love you and I can’t wait to tell you how much He does, too.
What are you trusting God with? How have you experienced His faithfulness in this season of your life? Can we hang out so you can tell me all about it? Also, can we be friends?
Emily